*big world small me*

Man! I need serious help. Suddenly this question just hit me out of nowhere.. "What am i doing with my life?"

I've been gaming alot recently, yes, in a year in which i ought to concentrate on my homework instead. Yet i cant stop myself from doing so. At least i know where i'm heading to at the moment, so maybe its not that bad? Whatever. I am heading towards deep shyt if i were to continue spending my life, gaming away.

So why game? Not that the game is fun whatsoever. Its because my buddies are playing it as well. If one day they were to set on quitting the game, i suppose i'll follow suit.

I hate myself for wanting to win so much. Yeah, i admit, i'm a person who hates to lose. Anything of interest to me. take soccer for example, i hate losing to my opponents, and the irony ish that my opponents tend to be my good pals in school. and nah, i wont care if a zillion people wins me academically.

Ah, i just felt that i need to vent out a little. I had so many things to blabber about, but somehow, my mind just went blank at the critical point. I seriously need a new sense of direction in life. Something to aim and strive for. Damn, i think i should get some sleep now.

Ci de ku zong ku, fang wei ren shang ren. To dare the hardship among hardships, unto atop the fullgrown man among men.

*a thought*

Hey, it's me again. yeah, sad, but anyways, i've been thinking alot recently, especially learning about some unfortunate things happening and stuff.

I believe that people use history to learn more of the past and perhaps not commit the same mistakes the people in the past commits. Well, it doesnt have to be the past that allows us to learn, sometimes you've just gotta take notice of things going around you.

It is false that its "better to be loved and lost, than to never love at all." Maybe not entirely false. Anyways, analyse for yourself.

I've known a friend, whos first love was a girl whom had over 10 ex. I've got no idea what happened exactly but in the end they two broke up and the gal hooked up with someone else. If i were him, i would rather not have love at all, and till now, this friend of mine still constantly.. thinks about her perhaps. V day coming, and this ger even asked my fren to buy her a gift. Perfect first love? Definitely not.

Okay another friend of mine, had a terrible first love. the most terrible thing happened i guess for him. this girl took advantage of him, took him for granted and even created a messy love triangle. and though he moved on, he continued to fall in love and end up being hurt.. all the time it seems. And now he's a very depressed man. Sigh.

Yupp. That's it about the true value of this quote "better to loved and lost than to never love at all".

So many crap so many thoughts, that's just me. I simply love to think and overthink sometimes. ahh.. the keyboard spoils here.

I hate it when you bring me so high up, only to let me go, let me fall. It may not be as painful as for you to throw me down to earth, but it still hurts badly. =/

*i need a break!*

Man, what an extremely long day. Oh yea, i've fallen ill. sore throat and bad flu combination. And often when tis happens, I can prepare for a fever. Anyways, I'm supposed to sleep now, but heck, let me update tis neglected poor blog of mine.

Gosh was it huge. Yeap Ngee Ann polytechnic. Alwight, i havent visited other polys yet, but to me, ngee ann poly's so much bigger than ngee ann sec. Ngee ann sec ish pathetic. I repeat, pathetic. In terms of size anyway.

The CCA that the school offer was awesome. I kinda like the ninja-su alot. All the swords etc, whoa man, super cool. Would love to learn how to use them. Loads of other martial arts grp too.

And not to forget, the courses! Man, it'll be a great headache when i have to figure out what course to study, what path to walk and what route to take. I don't wanna end up doing a job that i have no passion nor interest in. Hey, i'm gonna work for the rest of my life. life certainly revolves around money.

Okay, i'm sneezing away like some retarded right now. guess it's time for bed. hope to wake up early morning later on..

I need you because i want you. I want you because i need you. There's a difference.

*shattered belief*

Flame me! Yup, i know i've been updating freaking irregularly. I guess its because I love to procrastinate, in other words, postpone my update. Yea, i'm a last minute kind of guy, and i certainly ain't proud of it. Can't help it though. I think that explains why im such a loser in life or a notorious student who doesnt hand up homework. It's all because i procastinate.

Enough about all the procrastination thing. Well, i suppose quite alot of things happened this week. Just had this C.I.P thingy for today and yesterday. Had to knock on people's home and ask for old newspaper. By doing all this, we get to help those drug addicts start afresh. Meaningful eh?

By doing such cip work willingly, (note: willingly), im sure you'll feel a glow in ur heart when all comes to an end. And the benefits for doing such work doesnt stop there, our class got more united too as well.

For the very first time, i see my class behaving LIKE a class. As in, no more cliques, its just one big gang of classmates. Helping each other out, in hope of completing everything faster. And we did, naturally. Class spirit was in us. 4R5 baby!

Alwights.. when everything was over, i decided to kick some soccer ball back in school. Afterall, i've been playing basketball recently, and getting bored of it, soccer still my very first love. And i played and played...

It sure feels weird when you see your ex really close with another guy. Doubly worse if he is your friend. Yup, i had to go through that today. Well, my greatest wish after a break up.. is to never see her with any other guy. I know that's selfish but hey, seeing ur ex moving on wib another guy feels real awful.

Well.. i guess i just gotta get my perspective right. I've taken a break from the couple scene and back into single scene. The guy my ex ish wib now, ish just taking over my place, my role. And yea, i reckon he'll do a much better job than me.

I'm a lousy boyfriend i guess. That explains why I have 2 ex instead of none. Really, I will probably fail anger management course with flying colors, I'm a emotional person, really emotional, and i'm super sensitive, always thinking way too much. Possesive too perhaps. And i suck at surprising people. Seems to fail all the time whenever i try. All rights, i'm full of flaws.

And so i retreat to my "pig dog friends", all singles but looking for girl friend. But for me, the whole relationship thing.. is way too much for me. Close friends will do for me. Be it guys or gals. Being with a group of friends that are singles is good, for you can hunt girls together =x Not exactly, but ogling perhaps. Typical guys we are.

Okay, i spoke alot of nonsense. Time to maple. Lvl 44 baby!

Look up, stand tall. Keep going straight. Let nothing obstruct you.

*right here waiting*

I've slept for only 3 hours yesternight, and still counting. No sign of exhaustion just yet. An entry before the night hab to be forced to end early.

Was involved in sec one orientation the whole of this week. It is all this events that allow me to be "big brudder" to those pesky sec ones that makes being a student councillor worthwhile. other than that, we'll be carrying tables and chairs instead.

My class was full of terror. Bunch of uncontrollable small peeps. but fun nevertheless, when they get serious, they do become really sporty and give it all when it comes to cheering. Ngee ann people are getting shorter and shorter it seems, my batch is considered short i guess, when we came in as sec 1 that is. now it seems to be getting worse. more brain = less physical growth perhaps. (ngee ann's aggregate's 240 now)

I've known myself better throughout this camp. I'm definitely a very flawed leader. Guess impatience ish one of my characteristics. I hate it when things cant seem to get into control fast, and i end up losing my temper and start scolding them. yea screw me, dey are just sec ones after all.

Of coz, there's no point if u know ur own mistakes yet u refuse to change ya? The new ncc hierarchy has change again, i'm finally part b platoon commander, a chance for me it seems =)

Lengthy reflection post i sppose. and boring ehs. the ink runs dry here.

*the one you should call, was standing here all along.

*happy birthday to me!*

It's been a great day today. Unforgettable and simply awesome. I was pleasantly surprised when some of my friends actually wished my happy birthday, wen i didnt expected them to.

And presents! I actually thought when you're a guy, and pretty old(sixteen), presents don't come your way anymore. It's more of a trashing actually. Whoa, the opposite actually happened. I only ate one punch, and thats about it. And received two pressys =) thanks peeps.

And 1000 thanks to all my pals. thanks for the cake man, tis is one of my bestest best bdae i ever had. the other one i can remember is the one when i was much younger, i celebrated it over at mcdonald. yeh noe, some mcdonald birthday party. unlimited nuggets and all.

All in all, it's indeed a happy birthday to me. and i'm glad to be sixteen. so next tym, i shall bring my IC along to the movies, and off to NC-16 we go.

*loneliness knows me by name*

Been chilly lately yea? Yes i often dont wear on any shirt when im at home, used to be warm you see.(eew eh?). But now it's tough w/o on top on, its really cold.

Im not sure why, but dere is a link between coldness and loneliness ya? Normally when you're lonely, you don't feel warm at heart, instead you feel empty, which kinda translate to feeling "cold". Ahh, i hope u get what i mean.

Really. You may see me having loads of friends, we can joke around, hang out togehter etc. But loneliness still hits you. For whatever stupid reason i do not know. Maybe other people have it worse than me. Maybe other people handle it better. Maybe other people are not oversensitive. Maybe i'm just inferior.

And yea, i'm gonna be eligible for nc-16 show tomorrow. I can finally watch them legally. ain't that bad afterall. >.<

It's better to give than to receive.