Sunday, August 29, 2004

*i'm bored..... so very bored*

Argh...!! Man, this is sho blardy boring. I'm stuck in front of my computer, not knowing what to do. Examinations are over so there aren't any homework. (i suppose so. =x) Feel like going out with pals but none of them are free. Sam's busy too. ( i wonder what shit i will get into next year..)

Kay anyways, just finished mass gunbounding. just ain't fun if u play e game too long. So here am i, spending some time to update this poor webby of mine. Oh ya, my nick name in gunbound ish Zenardio. So if u play gb as well, do add me, i'm better off playing wib friends.

yesterday's dancing rehearsal was alright. Yeap me think i'm kinda stiff. So yup, me gonna practice and practice. Do give the Uniform Group support alright? The performance will be held this upcoming tuesday. Kinda nervous.. baggy jeans arent my type >.<

Haha, taught sam how to dance as well. the "step" dance. Cant wait to see her perform on tuesday as well. =x Wonder what she's doing right now? Probably enjoying herself throughly wib her parents. *jealous =x*

Kay that's about it. Guess i'll just be crazy and dance around in my house.

-it's gonna be me!!-

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

*detention*

Oh my holy cow, I wasted my whole afternoon by sitting down at General Office doing crap. Apparently, Mr Ong didnt record down that i went for detention last friday. Oh great, now i served two times already.

Thks to zubaidah, the worst teacher i've ever met ever since im a student. I simply hate her, not a little but to the darn core. Don't get it, all my disciplinary cases are all because of her. If i get sacked from Student Council, i'm gonna give her one tight slap man.

Chatted with Melissa along the way home, haha, kinda took me by surprise that she's an extremely religious person. Yeap she's indeed real faithful and a loyal christian. A gal who brings bible to school and study it. Wow man.. i'll never be able to sit down in the temple and start chanting.

I passed my chinese!! just right on the dot. Been ages since i passed.. weehaaa! *looks at handphone* wish i see your message soon dear.

ps: im sorry dear, its not that i don't love you.. but im just guilty to have upsetted you. im trying.. trying to express it out.. and pray action speaks louder than words.

-the failure to cherish-

Monday, August 23, 2004

*jealousy*

haha, guess i'm bored. Sho let's just talk about jealousy!!

We all heard of it, this particular green eyed monster that simply infiltrate into people's mind and eventually making them do things they don't want to.

So what on earth ish jealousy? Jealousy simply comes in many different forms. Be it relationships, success, material possession and affection/attention, jealousy happen.. all the time. And if not taken the right steps to curb it, it may prove to be deadly.

Let's start off with relationships, either between lovers and friends. Alright this may sound ironic here, i personally think a little jealousy is needed to sustain a healthy relationship. guess that's what they call... "cute jealousy". Face it, how would you feel when your significant other don't give a hoot when you are flirting with other people outright in front of him/her? You won't feel good at all, instead you'll feel offended instead. This is purely because u'll tend to feel that he/she doesnt care at all.

So what happens when cute jealousy takes place? him/her throws a mini tantrum and you end up consoling him/her. I believe this will actually bring the two parties closer and improve the communication between both of them. (remember! don't attempt to make your ger/guy jealous just because you're jealous. It doesnt work that way!)

Now, the "killer jealousy". So what exactly takes place? Simple. It kills the relationship eventually if left unattended. there are people out there who are way too possessive that even his/her significant other are not allowed to make friends with the opposite sex. and eventually, he/she feel trapped and wants out of the relationship. and *slash slash* murders follow thereafter due to raging jealousy. This is an example of the worst scenario.

guess the main cause of this killer jealousy ish due to the lack of trust, oversensitiveness and paranoia. So guys out there, gers hate guys who are easily jealous. why? coz they arent behaving like real men. and gers want real men.

Dang. Here am i at it again, crapping 24/7 non stop. haha this whole entry ish just my 3 cents worth of perspective.. So if there's anybody who wanna disagree wib it, feel free to do so via the comments box. I guess that's all.. good nights all.

ps: In case you're wondering why I didnt offer solutions. Haha, i myself have difficulty coping with jealousy. But so far wad works for me ish.. stop thinking so much and get yourself occupied instead.

-don't know which way to go-


*when things seem bigger than they really do*

Guess its just me or other people as well? Sometimes, things that seem normal to others tend to be overly emphasized in my fragile mind. I'll just keep thinking and thinking, and slip into thinking negatively. Things just go downhill from there, ending up in me being depressed what so ever.

I admire those people whom know what to do and what not to do. These people are usually decisive and strong willed. They don't let anything get to them and they never let emotions get the better of them. They persevere and succeed in life later on.

I cant.. i'm not that kind of person, or rather not old enough. i wish I am though. I let things get to me too easily. I fail as a true blue man. I'm still a small boy whom lack maturity(i'll die in a war surely). I cant handle stuff as well as a grown up man should be able to. Be it my studies, soccer or relationships.. I always let emotions take over my mind and commit stupid mistakes.

I've seen it this saying somewhere. "Every man has two weaknesses, women and money." That kinda left me pondering.. I've seen stories of sad love stories of broken hearted guys unfold before my very eyes. The guy was too clingy, too possessive, thought too much, easily jealous, and very indecisive whereas the ger was strong willed, not bothered by the guy's wayward behavior and tolerant. But we all know, there's a limit to everything and thus, the guy's heart was broken.

To put it simply, the guy seriously lacked maturity in handling relationships. and it'll never succeed till the guy finally decides to grow up. the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. that's all i guess, i feel better now.

-that's why(you go away)-

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

*true friends*

How many actually have them? those friends that will never betray you and whom will choose to stick with you through thick and thin. Well personally, having one true friend is really a blessing.

Remember I've learnt something like this, to have good friends you have to be good friend yourself. Yup, i'm sure true friendships is a two way street, and both parties have to give and take. Thankfully, I have 2 buddies whom are really important to me and they are Andruew and Eugene. Haha, hanged around since primary school ya? Now though we are separated in terms of our schools, we still hang around(recently k box, etc). ps. in case you're wondering why on earth your name aint here, haha, lemme stress that you're beri dear to me too sam =x

Everybody do change over time, in terms of their thinking and ideals. So yup, guess that's one of the reason why.. relationships between lovers or friends fall apart. Kay moving on.. well today it's pretty alwight. Have to go for Outward Bound Singapore camp. Maan.. 5 days yeh noe? That pretty much taken up my September holidays. Oh deaaaaar, i'll miss you darn badly.

School's a bore, i'll shan't talk bout it. Hrmm, hung out with sam after school. Was thinking of getting a diary each and the starting package of Ragnarok Online. Yeap, we were kinda attracted to the new wedding system, sho yup.. no matter what the distance, we can still keep in touch via this game hopefully. That's the main reason why i choose to play it. Sakura Romance! (btw, if anybody do play tis game, do drop a note over at shout box. )

Haha, the diary's for us to perhaps.. voice out how we feel bout our time spent together, what makes us happy what went wrong etc. This will hopefully improve our communication etc(and english), some things are better left said in words. yeah, i'm taking this relationship seriously =x gotta gear up for the future ahead.

then sent sam for her saxophone lesson. So me just sat at the void deck waiting for her. Man.. i wish i had the same musical talent as her, I even have difficulty playing recorder and she's playing tenor(soprano too) saxophone! man, im lousy. Played tamagotchi, was so afraid of people walking past and stay rooted to the ground after seeing a 15 year old guy playing it. two tamagotchi summore!(oh and i wanna complain bout my tamagotchi for not evolving yet!!!) omg. and i fell asleep a while later.

IT was heavy. The tenor saxophone, heard it cost roughly 8000 bucks. had to carry it with extra care. it was funny though, haha. Yeap that's about all i guess. Hoping to update more stuff tomolo. Takaires all.

-you make my day so much brighter-
*true friends*

How many actually have them? those friends that will never betray you and whom will choose to stick with you through thick and thin. Well personally, having one true friend is really a blessing.

Remember I've learnt something like this, to have good friends you have to be good friend yourself. Yup, i'm sure true friendships is a two way street, and both parties have to give and take. Thankfully, I have 2 buddies whom are really important to me and they are Andruew and Eugene. Haha, hanged around since primary school ya? Now though we are separated in terms of our schools, we still hang around(recently k box, etc). ps. in case you're wondering why on earth your�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������

Monday, August 09, 2004

*my fault my fault*

Sigh.. feeling real down at the moment. Just feel sho lonely suddenly, so suddenly that ive dragged in my other sad memories into.

Ive been a failure eh? think me will never be a good leader, or a particular guy whom others can call a good friend. I've mixed up my right and wrong, black and white , everything is gray now. I'm not sure what to do exactly, who to hang out with, i cant find back the feeling of being accepted by a group of friends.

Renewal. I miss that game sho darn badly, it was the very first game that i grew so emotionally attached to. I don't mind being alone in school or being outcasted in school.. as long i have this game to vent out my feelings on.

Yeh all must be laughing at my foolishness... but hey! It is the place where i met friends whom actually care and great friends material. Even juz by logging in, several "hi"s are there and they just make me feel so comfortable. Still remember the guild i was in, Tool's R us. the ultimate craftsman guild of NightShadow server.

God damn the freaking lousy company that hosted Renewal. Omg, the high pricing, the lousy GMs and technicians that allowed multiple hacks to happen. All these amounted, and resulted in the eventual downfall of e game.

So yeap, all of us, hardcore gamers have to find another game to spend time on, so that pretty much separated all of us. I ended up in Ragnarok Online. Didnt last long anyway, my interest in it dwindled somehow. I shall not commit the mistake again.. forsaking someone I used to love.

Alright, im not trying to act pitiful whatsoever. Just wanna vent it out with this blog. And perhaps it's my fault as well.. i'm not sure either. Ah heck, freak this life of mine.

-a place in your heart-
*my fault my fault*

Sigh.. feeling real down at the moment. Just feel sho lonely suddenly, so suddenly that ive dragged in my other sad memories into.

Ive been a failure eh? think me will never be a good leader, or a particular guy whom others can call a good friend. I've mixed up my right and wrong, black and white , everything is gray now. I'm not sure what to do exactly, who to hang out with, i cant find back the feeling of being accepted by a group of friends.

Renewal. I miss that game sho darn badly, it was the very first game that i grew so emotionally attached to. I don't mind being alone in school or being outcasted in school.. as long i have this game to vent out my feelings on.

Yeh all must be laughing at my foolishness... but hey! It is the place where i met friends whom actually care and great friends material. Even juz by logging in, several "hi"s are there and they just make me feel so comfortable. Still remember the guild i was in, Tool's R us. the ultimate craftsman guild of NightShadow server.

God damn the freaking lousy company that hosted Renewal. Omg, the high pricing, the lousy GMs and technicians that allowed multiple hacks to happen. All these amounted, and resulted in the eventual downfall of e game.

So yeap, all of us, hardcore gamers have to find another game to spend time on, so that pretty much separated all of us. I ended up in Ragnarok Online. Didnt last long anyway, my interest in it dwindled somehow. I shall not commit the mistake again.. forsaking someone I used to love.

Alright, im not trying to act pitiful whatsoever. Just wanna vent it out with this blog. And perhaps it's my fault as well.. i'm not sure either. Ah heck, freak this life of mine.

-a place in your heart-
*one night stand*

Alright, I'm just trying to be funny. Went to stay over at Andruew's(nothing's wrong wib my spelling, i donno why dere's a U dere =x) house.

KIes, sho wadded happen yesterday? Met up with sam to depart for City Hall via MRT. Haha, pardon my lameness, played tamagotchi with her, make friends etc. We intend to make both our tamagotchi lovers too. =x Oh ya, my tamagotchi's name PuPu and her's Sam. Hahaha, i'm so kiddy.

Then parted with her upon reaching City Hall, went on to dhoby ghaut to meet up with Andruew and Eugene. Haha it was hilarious man, seeing Andruew get fed up with some small kids playing Counter Strike.. lool.

Here comes the best part of the night, went to sing or rather scream at K Box. Man.. it was awesome, haha first time ive sang karaoke. Thank goodness andruew and eugene can tahan my singing. Hahaha, simply love Right here waiting(ps: i thought of you when i sang =x) and Pen You.

So yup, finally went to his house and played games. Hahaha, there's this X box game named Celebrity death match, darned sadistic. Imagine seeing justin timberlake without legs. Haha.

That's bout it. No mood to update. I'll update more latar i guess.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

*changes always happen*

Time to do some revamping! haha, guess everybody probably sick and tired of my previous blog template. So here am i, proud to show you guys my new template for my blog! Alright, i didn't create it my own, but the minor details that needs to be changed took me pretty long >.<

Today's pretty fine. or rather boring. Did nothing but play gun bound throughout the day. Seems to me my friends are losing interest in it. Sigh.. it just ain't fun to resort playing with strangers. Ah well.. at least Samantha still plays it.

Does looks matter to people when they choose their significant other? well, i'm sure many people will say no. But I'm certain the truth is otherwise. Personally, I feel that physical attraction is important, at least you'll be interested in that person and thus find out more about him or her.

Think there's this quote, forgot how it goes exactly but the meaning is that beauty disappears as we age but the inner beauty in us always remain. That'll prove that our character etc. are much more important.

Wish i am more good looking, or at least give me the confidence to feel at ease when I look into the mirror. Alright i know that's cockbullshyt, I simply have low self esteem. What to do? what to do? Hope Mdm Jamillah ish right, looks don't really matter when we are older. Oh yeah another quote, you don't love a woman because she's beautiful, but she's beautiful because you love her. So let me take this opportunity to say how beautiful Samantha is. Well.. she's really beautiful , not juz because I love her.

Moving on, my temperament seems to be pretty weird nowadays. my mood swings are simply getting more frequent. Guess it's because of that.. that spending time wib me is a bore. *gets ready tons of plasters*

For what? for my heart. It might be broken again.. I'm not sure I do not know. Being heart broken really sucks and the pain is definitely worse than pure physical pain. Yet the more I want to prevent that from happening, the more I end up allowing it to happen. Ironic.




Thursday, August 05, 2004

*one more chance..*

Been super stressed. Had to go through one of the latest ending day today. Couldn't take in too much knowledge at one go. Social studies, PoA, and e maths, all of which my class learnt new things. Plus ive gotta do some last minute studying of Chemistry. Omggggggggggggg!

Napfa was alright. At least some thing for me to cheer about. Think i'll get gold with a score of 27. If i calculated correctly. Yay man! but...sit & reach almost got me silver. Aint that flexible.

Plus some problems which are pretty minor yet i chose to blow it up and got myself pissed off at myself. thankfully was given a chance to redeem myself. don't want silly misunderstandings to kill off my relationship. Time to buck up man, in both my private life and studies.

Anger is one letter short of Danger.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

*ndp preview!*

Weehaaaaaaaaaa! Been a great day/night. Enjoyed myself throughly. Of coz, wouldnt have felt so without sam around =x (and she didnt wear the ring!! ahhhhhhhhh!!!) We wore white too, though the stadium was kinda filled up with red people.

Sho yeap, met up with her at TM to do some grocery shopping, in case we get hungry during the ndp preview. We kinda expected that we'll be hungry during the show. Especially me =x. Sho yeap, went down to ntuc and bought ourselves some chocolate and sandwiches.

Shortly after, reached the destination. My first reaction was "whoa!". din really expect so many people around, and we were actually running a little late, ahh... singaporeans eh? Shared the first time queuing up just to climb up an overhead bridge with sam btw =PpP (oh yeah, was so afraid to lose her along the way there, that i made darn sure that she's beside me all the time =x sigh, im possesive =P did the normal stuff, held her hand etc, hope you get what i mean =x)

Yeap the closer we were to the stadium, the greater the human tide got. (and the more possesive i gort =x and paranoid too, was afraid she'll faint coz of the massive crowd. =P) Then she gave up her dear bag for security checks. One thing i noted ish that, no one can touch her bag, not even me. hahaha. (annnd hey! let me carry the bag for u next time ! )

Took the goody bag, it was great man. And i was pretty surprised she never drank isport before. and kept asking me how does it taste like. Cutie pie eh =x kay anyways, the goody bag's was indeed goody. Had loads of stuff in it, mostly drinks though. annnd some sort of handfone a.k.a torch light. pretty unique. and she thought its real. hahas.

Got to our seats, had a pretty good view of the parade. Moi ate the food up almost immediately. (heeey don sit up sho straight can? make me feel sho short only =x) Felt so singaporean today, switched my converse cap for the singapore-coloured cap that came along wib the goody bag. and wave the flag retardedly. but its because of the spirit within the stadium that made me hyper.

Then took a little picture. Here's the soldiers.



The rest of the show was superb. And the farni part were the replacements for the President etc. Wonder why ngee ann din take part in the parade. (it'll be nice if i could dance on the stage with her =x if don mind tt is)

Moving on towards the end of the show, the fireworks!! same, first time catching fireworks with a gal. here goes:








It's really great don you think? sharing this particular moment in time with someone you truly enjoy being with. sharing the joy of the nation together with her. sharing my "first times" with the same gal today. And her name ish Samantha. I repeat Samantha. =)

(dear, it's really an awesome day today. Hope u enjoyed urself today as well. i'm not sure if the future will allow us to share such a joyous moment again, but whatever happens, always remember this particular moment alwights? of cus, the 100th day one as well. =x Coz it'll remain in my heart forever. Lurve yeh ^.^)

and may the ring bind us together... itsumo.