Life As A Botak

I never liked weekends.


Exorbitant movie ticket prices? Check. Super long queues at eateries? Check. No student meals at McDonald's? Check. No Little Nyonya? Checkkkkk.

Jeanette Aw Wo Ai Ni!

But when weekends are the only days you are able to see traffic lights, the night sky without having to do crunches and women that looks like women, they belong to the select few items that can never be bought with MasterCard. In other words? Priceless.

But for everything else, there's MasterCard

I happened to be walking down Orchard Road today. Haven't found the time nor energy to explore ION Orchard's carpark to see if they accept motorbikes and so I had to park my bike over at Cineleisure and walk my way from there. It sure feels good walking while carrying absolutely nothing.

I hate the freaking helmet and rifle

What a walk it was. Is it me or are Singapore girls getting less conservative and more liberal in terms of their dressing? It's getting impossibly hard to not notice that they are showing more skin and eye-popping cleavages. I even had to keep my eyes on the floor in order to walk straight!

Not that I had anything to lose, save for the fact that I had to endure the embarassment of being caught gawking. Can't be helped though. Just imagine this: Put millions of men together on an woman-free island for 5 or more days, make them sweat buckets and give them insufficient time to wash their clothes. What you'll get is a fragrance that makes you completely forget how a female human being looks like.

Some say she was a he, but if she/he looks like that, I don't freaking care

Technically speaking, there are women in Pulau Tekong actually. And it's pretty obvious given that they are not botak and have dried grass on their heads. Not to forget, there are also aunties wearing face masks as if the crap food they are serving us contains the H1N1 virus.

Even Tekong food will taste good if she's the one serving it

Okay lah, the food there isn't half bad actually. And I'm able to finish up the food most of the time. Not because it's good obviously, but because I'm so hungry that it hurts to reminicise how I used to throw away McDonald's golden fries away so easily.


Why so hungry? Because of the company I am in. You know it's bad when the uncle gives you a pitiful look and automatically gives you more rice when you tell him you're from Ninja Company. He then prays for you and gives you a cross to protect you. And when you take the cross gratefully and take your leave, he sheds tears for you.

May God bless you, Ninja Boy...

Except for the rice part, I'm just kidding of course.

Maybe I committed some heinous crimes in my previous life, but yeah I did find myself landing into a company renowned for their Prisoner-of-War treatment. "Just pray you don't get into Ninja" was something that I heard plenty of times before enlistment. Now that it materialised, what I'm getting are "Wah, you're damn fucking suay!" Tough luck.

Bo bian, suck thumb lor

But it isn't that bad lah actually. With all due respect to Pegasus, Ninja sounds so much more masculine than Pussy Pegasus. As long one do not think along the lines of turtles, being a Ninja trainee's pretty cool. And if I'm able to successfully graduate from Ninja's BMT unscathed, it'll be quite a remarkable achievement.

We shall not be moved...
We shall not be moved...
We are from Ninja, we shall not be moved...
Just like the tree, standing by the WATERFRONT!

Ninja, Ninja, all the way
We like it here, we like it here
We found ourselves a home
A home, a home sweet home!

And when I mean unscathed, it means hoping the live grenade that I'm about to throw this week doesn't explode in my pocket.


Amitabha.