What I'm Really Afraid Of

I got chided by my Dad today.

Somebody's gonna get hurt real bad

For making it sound like I'll never be able to return home after enlisting into army, when all I did was to reply "I won't be able to eat chicken chop anymore(in army)" when my Dad nagged at me for eating "unhealthy" food.

Who cares about health when dinner looks like this

3 months back, I was cursing and swearing about how the wait for army will be like 3 long years. And now in an blink of an eye, I'm left with only 7 freaking days. S E V E N freaking days to a new cell home. Even the magazine that I just bought is mocking me.

I've got 1 more day than you! ROFLMAO!

Paid 2 bucks to be mocked at. Nice.

To think I was pleading "PLEASE TAKE ME, PLEASE TAKE ME" during the July intake to no avail unfortunately. But now I just wanna lock myself in the toilet so that they won't be able to kidnap me for their evil experiments.

But I'm kinda skinny actually

Oh well. They say army is a rite of passage for boys to become men. I guess it's time (NOT YET, 7 MORE DAYS) for me to face my destiny. Besides, there isn't really much to fear about army, is there? Let's take a look at some of the issues that people may have reservations about:

1) Food


They say that in the army,
The food is very nice,
You ask for mutton curry,
They give you chao ta rice.

This shouldn't pose much of a problem to me, considering I ain't exactly very picky about food. I just don't eat pork, mutton, beef, fish with too many bones, onions, garlic, cockles just to name a few. And to top it off, I've got a special talent in which I'm able to eat the same thing over and over. KFC for one week? No problemo.

2) The Supernatural

OMFG! GHOST.. GHOST!

I've heard about stories about the nasi lemak auntie that only appears at night and the right answer to her asking you to buy her nasi lemak is to point her to another bunkmate. I seriously wonder what will happen if I were to buy it. I'll let you guys know in the future. Just hope that the payment isn't a year deducted from my life span.

Also, you're not allowed to point your torchlight at the trees because you'll be "disturbing" the spirits lingering around. Fair enough, why would I wanna "see" ghosts anyway?

My philosophy is that if I didn't commit any sin, I won't be having any encounters with the supernatural. And never follow what they do in horror movies. Checking out a strange room/cupboard/toilet/movie theatre when obviously there's something spooky about it. That's what I'll call "asking for it."

3) Sausage fest toilets


Some people might be afraid of seeing others naked(and feeling inferior) or exposing themselves to others(and feeling inferior). Well, let's just say I'm confident in what I possess. Hoho.

4) Lonely Nights

When all you have is the Moon for company

This is a huge problem for most people. Especially those with girlfriends(or boyfriends). At least they have somebody to call during admin time. But personally, I believe that it's always easier to get through army when one is single. There's so much less things to worry about as compared to having a girlfriend. And you don't have to...

Booking out, see my girlfriend,
Saw her with, another man
KILL the MAN, rape my girlfriend!
with my rifle and my buddy and me EEE eee.

5) Anal Sergeants

Pump me please, I beg you

They say that in the army,
The sergeants very nice,
You talk to them nicely,
They scold you chao chee bye.

Especially when they are most likely to be the same age as you. And they steal your food and make you do push ups for no particular reason. But with everybody else taking the same shit as you, it makes you feel better somewhat.

But what is it that I'm really afraid of?

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To be continued.