*delayed morning*

Good morning peeps! Well, yeah, its gonna be half past noon, shld be good afternoon instead. anyways, i've been like this all e time. Either I wake up very early(say 6am+ with the aid of alarm clocks) or i wake up exceptionally late (say 12 noon earliest with my biological clock). Strange eh? And I have no difficulty sleeping, i've got no idea why some of my friends find it hard to fall asleep. Normally, people find it tough to sleep when they are troubled ya? Yet on the contrary, the more troubled am i, the easier i find it to sleep. well, that's simply me.

Being the eldest, my dad was lecturing me when i juz woke up. It shucks you know, having someone lecturing you when you're like "Huh? What's going on? ". Anyways, he was saying why was it so hard for us to wake up earlier? Come to think of it, he has a point there. I mean, you can do loads of stuff in the morning. Say on saturday, when i have ncc, theres so much I can do in the six hours, and in which other normal days, I'll be just waking up. Cant help it but to sleep late ya? There's an element of pig in all of us. "the desire to sleep"

It's an cycle. After saying that sleeping was a waste of time, my dad went on to blabber on about how important money is. in actual fact, i'm thankful that he tries hard to instill in us the "not to waste money" attitude. He failed to a certain extent i guess. I really waste money at times. But i'm making efforts, to save up some cash. For future usage and my mom i guess.. So i'm gonna strive hard and let the determination to save up more cash, propel me to study harder. when skewl reopens that is. =x

I'm botak now! Or rather GI. Had to cut for the upcoming senior specialist course camp, and my bud qin yu cut his hair into GI for fun too. Anyways, it feels good having short hair. whats more? Seems like my worries are gone with my hair! It has given me a new perception towards life. Mebbe its because with my new hideous look (not as hideous with my hair), i won't stand a chance if i were to set my time out to woo girls. Alright, i guess its because I've learn to accept the current situation now.

Some things can never be rushed or forced i suppose.. especially in the area of romance and love.
I'm better off doing things that i enjoy doing, pursuing high levels in maplestory, play soccer and building up my fitness. instead to pine over lost love and stuff. I must learn how to take things slow! must learn must learn must learn must learn must learn.

Alright. this is the last paragraph. and like white on rice, i shall be into maplestory now. toodlez.

I tried my best to make you see. There's hope beyond the pain. If we give enough. If we learn to trust.

*chocolatey collapse*

Alwights. im here with the truth. We gave up on the chocolate factory. We did the unexpected. We stepped down as chocolate packers! (or rather we quitted in simple terms) and that's just like after 8 days of work. Sigh, really pathetic huh?

Guess we arent mature enough to take hardships. (the job's easy actually! but its just really really boring). The final straw was when the merciless lady boss separated us from each other. (like a pair of lovebirds being separated, that kind of feeling). Reckon its because we cant possibly pack chocolate whole day without conversing. Alright alright, you may argue that i can stare at the computer playing maple story, fighting the same silly monsters in the hope of leveling up, yet I cant stay at the ware house, packing chocolates for some handy cash. Okay, i lose.

So after working for the last morning (we left at lunch break), decided to pay K box a visit. been ages since we sung, and since all of us aint really in the chirpy mood, we're better off venting out our frustrations via our throats ya?

Call me weak. Label me a faint hearted. Loathe me. But.. i believe in life, to be truly happy, one's better off without knowing the real truth. What do i mean? Ever heard of this sayings.. "curiosity kills the cat" and "ignorance is bliss"? They are both very true indeed.

For example, recently I heard over some radio, and tis DJ was interviewing this guy on whether would he rather know of his wife's affairs with another man or be kept in the dark forever. (take this man has a family and 2 kids). He said he rather not know. Why? Its simply beacause he wouldnt be able to take the truth. He'll prolly start to be paranoid and dislike his own kids, fearing that they might be other man's children. Or perhaps he dont wanna risk losing a family due to the plain cold truth. Yeah.. its sad but true, truth does hurt badly.

I'm in a dilemma right now too.. suppose all I can do now is wait.. and not rush into things by treading on thin ice. I'll explain more abt what i feel when I can fully grasp my thought notions. so yea stay tune =)

ps: i really thank you peeps for ur great and giving comments! i'll strive harder than ever!

Ever encounter this before..? Wanting to know the truth but deep down ur throat and followed by your heart, that you rather not know? But you went on to ask for the oh-so-important information, causing immense pain to yourself. One example.. ask your partner how intimate he/she was with their ex. Would you be really glad he/she told you the truth...?

*home sweet home*

Maann.. just woke up after sleeping seven hours straight. guess i was really tired after the recent chalet. i'm now suffering for not sleeping sufficiently, *sick*

Well the chalet was great i guess.. just realised how much i neglected my gooded friends during previous chalet outings. I only had designs on getting nearer to her(in a good way i mean, as in trying woo a girl) and totally didnt care about my friends.

How foolish was I. Thankfully, i realised i had many good buddies that could be part of my "ah pek gang" Well whats "ah pek gang" exactly? Its an idea ivan introduced me and i found it pretty meaningful. Well, i'm sure you've seen old people over at nearby coffee shops, drinking coffee and reminicising old times. (maybe i guess. i dont know hokkien very well. but be aware, that some may be tiko peks.)

So yea, i intend to keep contact with them for as long as possible, and hopefully, when all of us lose youth to the never stopping time, we can get back together and talk about the good old times. Remember me, guys =)

I got drunk. for the first time of my life. Got totally insane. Now, i won't say what exactly happen, what i did exactly. but i was really stupid. and now im rueing in embarrasment for what i have done. I guess that particular instance when I decided to booze, i was depressed.

"the magic of one's first love can never be forgotten". any truth in that? yes i reckon. just ask around, even some hardcore serial daters, who could ever forget their first love? I'm sure they'll remember, at least the name of their first love.

Yeah so for me, she was there, during the chalet. Perhaps not as much as before, but the attraction was still there. i mean, for me to her, as in im attracted to her. This moments of strong attraction... yes you call them "Chemistry" Don't get me wrong for saying that, i've got over her. I wanna be looking forward.

Ran out of insipiration of what to write. Still there is, many things in my head that i would love to pour out in this treasured blog of mine. My blog's great! Never complaining and always giving in to my demanding number of words. All right, the ink shall stop here.

Ever wonder why it's so hard to remain friends after breaking up? Unless its mutual, it'll be indeed hard to remain friends. Why? You may ask. After all, it's just being friends. Simply it's because you've been physically and mentally intimate before. Now tell me, would you really be interested what your ex have to say about his or her current squeeze? Or perhaps, listening to his or her glee in finding a better someone than you were?

*food for thought*

taking a short break from maple for now. gaming the entire day aint really good for your health ya? But on the other hand, tomorrow there's work, means no more gaming, so perhaps i should play? Nvm, whatever, it's me again. always so indecisive. (theres so many decisions to make within this week). But i guess i just wanna update my blog for now.

Just watched ren wo hao you. "the champions" in english. teen drama. it's been ages since i got myself totally hooked to a drama series, but i did so with "the champions" Its nice, serious. Loads of love triangles, good plot, beautiful people (jeanette aw... *slurps*), eveel people getting painfully tortured, and hopefully a perfect ending tomorrow.

Well, in the show, love seems to be really romantic. i believe this is the same for movies. Like wimbledon, titanic or other famous love shows. Love seems to be so perfect. (i forgot, turn left turn right was great too) Yet in actualy terms, love can be really painful as well.

Unfortunately, i had to learn what love exactly is the hard way. the painful way. i'm left broken hearted twice. So what on earth went wrong? what what what what? is it me or wad? yes i suppose its all my fault. but just one more chance? nope, i cant have it anymore. enough chances already. i'm given up upon. cause i don't deserved to be loved anymore. dang. game over.

just read someone's blog. was talking about whether true love exists. that brings me back to the debate of on screen relationships. does the "happily ever after" ending actually exists? maybe. but only those really fortunate people get to have it. ah well.. someone told me that i'm just fifteen, there's many more people you'll meet. yea perhaps, it's all growing up i guess.

some advice to broken hearts. don't , i repeat, don't get into another relationship with another person when you're just left broken hearted. cause you'll end up being broken hearted all over again. you've gotta get over your ex first. and don't be too desperate either. Girls hate desperate guys, but as for meeting desperate girls, you won't find them anywhere.

Girls are getting more and more mentally strong ya? and guys are getting more and more oversensitive and overreacting. If the trend continues being tis way, girls will own the world i tell you.

Whoa, long entry. Didn't know i had so much to grumble about. Guess.. it's back to maple story! au revoir~

*the 1st day*

Just returned from work. The job.. was kinda boring. sigh, packing chocolates! for 60 days straight. man.. now i know how hard it is to earn money. and hopefully, yes hopefully I'll learn how to save money better.

But it aint totally rainy, at least the aunties there were really helpful. learnt the ropes pretty quickly. i repeat, they were really helpful. i suspect one of them has a crush on young wei. LoL.
thankfully young wei and qin yu was around, else i'll be bored stiff, alone. (but it was kewl too, punching work cards? or wadeva u call. to take note when u reported for work and when u leave)

The neighbourhood there, was really dead. compared to tampines that is. Everybody aint talking, aint smiling either. they were just walking around us, past us and behind us. you could see on their faces, they looked really sullen. and with the dull colors of the buildings, the whole neighbourhood really seemed dead. (the people there are mostly elderly seniors i noticed)

took bus 81 then switched to 39 to head home. well, now that im single, i really hate the sight of couples. i dozed off during the 81 journey. guess my head banged onto the window panel or smthing, then i just woke up. i guess human's normal reaction is to look around the bus and see what happens right? who knows? maybe some terrorist faction hijacked the bus, expelled the bus driver to the main road for good and threatening everybody's life? or maybe the bus stepped onto some time portal and sent back to the old ages in which dinosaurs reigned? or perhaps some dumb thief stealing the calculator by prying your bag open? ( i had POA lesson today.)

Anyways, none of that happened. just that a couple went up the bus and filled up the back corner of the bus. i was at the back too, the other corner that is. yea, so they did those couple stuff, the gal laying her head on the guy's shoulder etc. and romancing each other with sweet nothings. sigh. now that im single, its just feel kinda weird.

and they kissed. outrageous! its single deck and they made out there. well possibly, i didnt dare to look at them indulging in some heavy mouth activity outright. i just peeped via the corner of my eye. well its awkward isnt it? for the onlookers and those who are doing it. but i guess they had some real thick skin to pull it off. amazing young people.

back here. so yea, it kinda shucks to see couples around. holding hands, hugging each other or just enjoying each other's company. but heyyy, being single isnt that bad at all right? you get to have the freedom, and the time to pack chocolates. -_-"

that's all i sppose. time to play maple story. sigh, i want that elusive level 30 so badly.

I swear. by the moon and the stars in the skies. i'll be there. I swear. like the shadow that's by your side. I'll be there. For better or worse, till death do us part. I'll love you with every beat of my heart. I swear.

...that i'll work hard to pack chocolates.

*when the cold wind blow*

Its nighttime! 12 midnight. i dont know why but.. the nights seem to be really scary now. its the perfect moment for loneliness to feast on you. i'm human, like everybody else. blasting the song "i swear" right now, aint helping much, juz adding on to this lonely feel.

I miss her. yes i really do. but she's gone, definitely. thoughts of her are really flooding my mind, it's hard to stay focus and get over her. we used to be so close, now things just aint the same anymore. and will never be. and thats the part that bites the hardest.

when you think of something constantly, normally its brought into your dreams as well. been dreaming about her for several nights, and that makes up waking up painful. argh.. wish im at some beach right now, den i'll be able to scream my lungs out.

im gonna start work tomorrow. i hope it helps me to prevent my mind from wandering. and poa lesson tomorrow, guess time to roll up and drift off to sleep.

normally a break up is two lovers going separate ways. i dont wanna continue moving further from her. i really wish i could turn back and chase up with her. and start walking in the same direction again..

*early birds*

So does the early birds get their fresh supply of worms, or are you that fresh supply of worms for the early birds? either way, it isnt good. I dread the sight of worms and the notion of being eaten up isnt.. very nice. (ah, wadever, what a stupid way to start an extremely early entry.)

Alwights, so what plans are in store for me today? hrmm... currently im gearing up for soccer training. i dont really look forward to the turn out, for the estimated people going isnt many. But just hopefully there'll be at least 10 people. then we can play 5 v 5 on the court.

Looking at the jersey that was only recently issued to us, i'm the current number fifteen. well i chose fifteen because of a few reasons. well firstly, its 2 digits! and the price ish the same if u choose to print only 1 digit behind. 2 brains are better than one isnt it? so naturally, 2 digits are better than one. secondly, 15 isnt any famous number. unlike 7, which is hugely worn by famous players. so yea, opponents wont be that cautious towards you. that makes dribbling easier. and lastly, its because it signifies the start of a joyous relationship. and it'll serve as a reminder for now, for this past relationship. alwight, i should stop reminicising.

I'm going for a job interview later on. hope everything goes well. nothing professional. just packing chocolates in a factory. hahas, hope i can gobble up a chocolate or two. but one thing i'm sure of, it's that i'll prolly hate chocolates to the very core. in which the sheer smell of it makes me nauseous. just my assumption, maybe i'll like chocs more instead. and i hope i get the job.

alwight, my dad's nagging again. he always say tis, "why wake up so early when u dilly dally and end up getting late?". riiggghhhhttt. gotta go, adios.

You know.. sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just cant seem to get her off your mind. this kind of.. "addiction" maybe, really.. makes you down at times. ah well, i just gotta remind myself that tis is part of the process. the process of getting over someone. aint easy, definitely.

*dull dull morning*

Yawn.. what a way to spend a morning. waking up early just to start an uphill struggle against dozing off during detention. But it aint that bad, at least i managed to complete reading the novel that i had my hands on. otherwise, i'll might just still be in dreamland, and starting the day only now.

well, i read two books today. during detention that is. Yeap one of them's the novel and another ish the chicken soup for the romantic soul. both of them kinda contradict, and that left me dazed and confused.

anyways, i shall give a brief intro(*SPOILER ALERT*) on this certain chemistry book that i just read. it's about this guy, Tom, who has a steady relationship of 5 years with this ger named Sara. Tom, apparently, is a ghoster. yea, he gathers information and writes autobiography for people. people who are famous. so this person, George, is really pretty and a famous actress in some soap opera. Bla bla, and tom realised he couldnt control the significant surge in testerone level and did the unimaginable with George. yea, you can call it "having an affair"

So yup, u guessed it. Sara found out and dang, that's it, she chased him out and that signalled the end of their long, yet taken for granted relationship. George dumped him as well, realizing things will never gonna work out btw them. haha shucks ya? Tom has nothing left.

then tom realised how much sara meant to him. how important she is in his life. a tragic example of not knowing what you have till its gone ya? Sad, very sad indeed. and he tried ways, many creative ways i should call them, to win her back. (kinda similar to me over here, mebbe not as creative or special, whatever.) But he fell flat on his face. (same. sad isnt it?)

two years later, tis Tom guy thought he gotten over her. he then shockingly found out that he didnt when Sara appeared, much more prettier than ever, in some mutual friend's party. so they talked, for the 1st time in 2 years, and almost made up later. but the girl didnt want. to her, it'll never be possible for the trust element will never ever be recovered.

and that marks the end of this brief(or issit?) introduction. just realised its kinda same for me. just that i din cheat on her. there's sho many other things u can do to make people lose trust in you. i better not state them out, in case some of you don't believe me and execute dem out.

I learnt something, it's extremely hard to be back together after breaking up. sad but true. ah well, 2 years won't be that long right? to move on..? (speaking of which, i'm officially a fanatic of novels)

True love. what on earth is it? How does it feel like? Will i ever experience it? or i mean, will i ever get to have it for rest of my life? I can only ponder, imagine or dream for now i guess.

*>.<*

cant stand the blardy lag in the game that im hooked on currently. Yes its maple story, this super mario like game. boring yet addictive. strange huh? maybe coz of the company i hab inside, or maybe some other reason, some unknown reason, some reason that should always remain unknown.

had my first day of detention today. ain't bad, the book that i juz bought recently was kinda interesting. for book lovers out there, its.. umm.. titled "A Certain Chemistry". yea its cover's green color, so it looks kinda ghey for guys, but well, it's delightfully readable.

moving on.. hrmm.. yup who needs love? i mean, who needs those kind of passionate love, those that set your heart racing all the time, those that some people just seem cant get enough of, and yea those that you see being shared by couples in the park, beaches, or simply anywhere private.

i can get by alone, i don't need any girls. but nah, im straight, sho dont get me wrong. well, if i do bump into love anytime in the future, i'll be accepting it i guess. hahaha, yea tis sounds contradicting but to me, love's a privelledge(or however u spell it), but not a requirement. but anyways, i guess i need a hell lot of time to get over her..

oh yea, i "accidentally" discovered i hab this thing for novels. oh yea, "A certain chemistry"'s a novel, sho yup, i dink novel's about people's life story isnt it? or issit? ah wadever, its nice. perhaps i can be a novellist? or mebbe not, i still prefer being a psycologist. haha.

oooooh well, i do sound different today isnt it? in my blog? yea its still me, mebbe this certain chemistry book kinda change my way of conversing. ahh.. time to catch up wib this novel.

ps: im kinda hyper. i know it, and i feel it. maybe something uncanny got into me. i wonder.

Fate acts like a bus stop. you are the passenger and people whom are compaitable with you are buses. three things can happen. either the bus departs before you get on it, or the bus arrives too late when you're long gone in another bus. but the perfect scenario, it's you get on the right bus, at the right time.

For me? the bus threw me out, it wasn't happy with me. maybe because of my crap and excessive trash. So now, i need a great deal of time to make it back to the bus stop. so yea, slowly, step by step, i'll make it.